Taking a rigid position in divorce shuts down real negotiation, drives up costs, and pushes you toward a court outcome that ignores your priorities. When you focus on understanding goals instead of defending positions, you create space for solutions that actually work for you and your spouse.
Why a Take It or Leave It Mindset Will Shut Down Negotiation
When you go into divorce thinking, “This is what I want, take it or leave it,” you are not negotiating. You are drawing a line in the sand. And when you do that, your spouse will do the same. Now you are stuck. Real negotiation looks very different. You share what matters to you and why. Your spouse does the same. From there, you start looking for overlap. That overlap is where progress happens. It may feel counterintuitive, but listening to your spouse’s goals is in your best interest.
The Power of Goals Over Positions
In a Collaborative Divorce, one of the first things you will do is identify your goals. You will sit down and clearly state what matters to you and why. Your spouse will do the same. This is powerful for a few reasons.
First, you hear directly from each other. There is no miscommunication, no secondhand interpretation. You are not relying on a game of telephone between attorneys. You are hearing the meaning and emotion behind each goal.
Second, it helps you move away from rigid positions. When you hear your spouse explain what matters to them, you may realize your goals are not as far apart as you thought.
You may even discover shared goals. You and your spouse want a healthy co-parenting relationship and meaningful time with your children.
Your Goals Are Not Set in Stone
As you move through the process, your priorities may change. Something you thought was important at the beginning may not matter as much later. Something new may rise to the top.
In a Collaborative Divorce, your goals are revisited in every meeting. This is not accidental. It keeps you grounded in what truly matters. It also gives your team the opportunity to remind you of what you said you wanted when you were thinking clearly and intentionally..
The Real Cost of Digging In
If you and your spouse both refuse to move, there is nowhere to go except court. And court does not care about your personal goals. The legal system follows a structured process that treats your situation like a formula. Your life gets reduced to numbers and categories. The outcome will not reflect your unique priorities, your family dynamic, or your long term vision.
Cases can drag on for years. You may find yourself stuck in a cycle of hearings, delays, and rising legal fees. Even after a decision is made, one side may challenge it, pulling you right back into the process.
Giving a little at the beginning may feel uncomfortable. But it will save you time, money, and emotional energy. More importantly, it will help you reach an outcome that actually fits your life.
Flexibility Works Both Ways
This is not about giving up everything you want. It is about recognizing that you and your spouse will need to adjust. Unless one person is making completely unreasonable demands, there will be movement on both sides. That is how real resolution happens.
When you stay focused on your goals instead of defending a position, you create options. And those options are what lead you to a finish line that feels workable for both of you.
Contact Artemis Family Law Group
A Florida native, Paul grew up in Winter Park and attended the University of Florida in Gainesville for both his undergraduate degree as well as his Juris Doctor. While in law school, Paul served as a managing editor on the Florida Law Review and graduated in the top 20 percent of his class.
Paul’s office is located at 815 N. Magnolia Ave, Suite 300, Orlando, FL 32803. For more information call 407-734-2914 or click here to contact Paul.
FAQs
1. Why does holding a firm position make divorce more expensive?
Because it stops negotiation. When neither of you is willing to move, the process shifts to litigation, which takes more time, more attorney involvement, and more court resources.
2. How do goals improve the outcome of a divorce?
Goals keep you focused on what truly matters instead of getting stuck on specific demands. This opens the door to creative solutions that meet your needs and your spouse’s needs.
3. What happens if my goals change during the process?
That is expected. You will revisit and refine your goals throughout the process, which helps you stay aligned with what matters most as your situation evolves.
Paul specializes in Collaborative Family Law and finding ways to amicably settle issues for families in crisis. Paul also focuses on appellate law, as he spent over two years serving as a Judicial Law Clerk at the Fourth District Court of Appeal for Judge Cory Ciklin. Paul is experienced in appellate motion practice, procedural issues as well as substantive briefing, and is available to discuss potential appellate issues during litigation and to prosecute and defend an appeal in Florida.
In addition to the above-mentioned interests, Paul is a member of the Orange County Bar Association, where he is a former Co-Chair of the Civil Rights Law Committee. Paul is also a member of the Central Florida Family Law Inn of Court, where he moderates the book club, as well as various voluntary bar associations. Paul is an Accredited Collaborative Professional through FACP, a Board Member for Central Florida Collaborative Divorce. Paul considers volunteer work vital and serves as a volunteer Guardian Ad Litem for the Orange County Bar Association’s Legal Aid program.
